So today I have root canal work......niiiice and consequently I have to find a baby sitter, this obviously the first situation of many no doubt.
Even with my mother she clings to me, screaming the place down if I leave her in the arms of even her granny who has calmed many a screaming bairn in her time. For some reason she is the only one I don't feel so bad about exposing to the wrath of baby P though, but for the first time today, my mum is unavailable and so the quest began, baby Ps aunt also unavailable and grand dads, both, errr no and so Gs fathers partner took the gauntlet.
I felt terrible knowing the distress P was going to endure but also knew she has to get used to others. I fear I have made her this way, cuddled her one too many time, never letting her go almost as if I did she would disappear in a puff of smoke as if she had been a figment of my desperate imagination to have a child. crazy I know I am sure having spoken to a few people that clingy first borns are not a rare thing, but I can't help thinking perhaps the whole need for a child and IVF process has entered my pysche to let loose some kind of paranoia.
I am not too worried and am going to try and remember to hand P over to others in the hope she will get used to new smells and faces. Obviously I enjoy the fact she needs me but know it could lead to a rod for my own back, but she is four months old, four tiny months I guess I will make the most of the cuddles as I am sure before I know it she will locking herself in her room in an attempt to be as far away as possible in ateenage strop.
I still look in the mirror holding her and feel a twinge of sadness that she looks nothing like me except for the dark hair, but the feeling is lessening and being replaced with 'thats me and my P'
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